Dear Life.

DEAR LIFE

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Unconventional Advice on Navigating Through Life’s Messiness.

Need advice? Write us at: dearlife at jenniferpastiloff.com

Check out the Dear Life column by clicking here.

Write us with your dilemma, question, problem. Think Dear Abby meets Dear Sugar meets a poet (who walks into a bar.) We will be as eloquent as possible, as honey as possible. We will not pussyfoot around.

Different authors from around the world will answer each question. Please use great care when crafting your email or letter. Not all emails will be able to be answered. We are thrilled. There are some incredible writers on board for this project. Please address letter as if you are writing to a person rather than “The Universe” or “Life” itself. Dear Life is just the title since we have so many different authors answering the emails.

Your name will remain anonymous.

Click to read letters below by the answering writer’s name or click here to see all.

Robert Wilder.

5 thoughts on “Dear Life.”

  1. Dear Life,
    The sun doesn’t shine anymore. The moonlight is too dark. Lies are a constant reminder that true love doesn’t even exist. Pain throughout my whole body makes my heart hurt even more.
    After 20 years of marriage and 4 beautiful children, I have tried to find true love again twice. Each time, I’ve been physically and mentally abused, lied to, decieved and my heart feels broken into a million pieces. I’m finding it hard to let go of this abuse because I fear being alone. I fear being lied to with each day that passes, but being alone is even worse in my mind than dealing with the aftermath of lies and deceit. I think I will never find a man who can be honest and true to me because I only attract those that need to be fixed in someway. A smooth talking gambler or a manipulating addict who can convince me they don’t have a problem, because in reality, I am the problem.
    The problem is me. I’m too weak to stand up and believe I deserve to be treated better than that. I allow them to use me and all I have for their benefit. I forgive over and over bold face lies and the cycle repeats itself with no end in sight. Why? Dear Life, Why?
    Why do I love so deeply that I give up on my life? That I don’t feel worthy of being treated like I’m special to him. Because really I’m not.
    My husband of 20 years said he lived a lie for 18 of those years. That he wasn’t in love with me all those years. How, could I not see it, feel it, or believe it? Because I refused to feel the pain of being alone.
    The ex boyfriend after that. No job for 7 years, hooked on alcohol and meth. Yet, I held on while he tried to get his life in order. Because maybe he would change and life would get better. But it didn’t, and finally one day I didn’t let him back in. But by then I’d found a new love…a compulsive gambler.
    Of course, I was oblivious to the fact. A fact I didn’t find out about till pawned his car and almost lost his job. Counseling would save that, and of course my loving support, so I thought. But here we are again. Now he’s living with me because he lost his apartment due to gambling. Only one month has gone by. He’s broke, I find evidence he’s cheating on me (condoms in his car), but he tells me bold face lies that he’s being faithful and true. Why? Dear Life, why?
    Why am I afraid to be alone and let go of men who have no respect for me. Why don’t I have respect for myself? Why am I stuck in the cycle of failed love. I’m 52 ! And I’m too old to keep trying to start over. But starting over is all I can do. I fear I will just fall into the same pattern with someone new.

  2. Augustine A. A. said:

    I almost wept. Sorry about your situation. You are not alone. Sometimes, life is not just fair to fair people. How I wish I was close by you. Maybe, God hasn’t spoken into your situation yet. Let’s continue to pray to him for a changed life. And be happy with your situation so you can move forward.

  3. Dear life,
    Why is it that, when I’m in a relationship, I mourn it’s end before it happens? Why is it that I cannot replace the belief that, no matter what I do, or who I am, my man will always end up cheating on me? Why is it that some relationships last and some don’t? And is it ever Okay to tell your partner that yes, your self loathing runs incredibly deep?
    Love,
    Kiana

    • Dear Kiana,

      I have moments of complete clarity when I feel that I am enough. Beautiful enough, smart enough, professional enough, good enough parents, good enough lover, just enough… and it is always a quantity of “enough” measured by someone else other than me. I admit those moments are rare, they are generally in solitude when I am doing something I enjoy, like gardening or drawings or reading an incredible book… when I am feeling competent “enough” within myself.

      And then life happens. And I doubt everything so I go looking for proof of my doubts and I most often find more than I need to reinforce the belief that I am never “enough” for the men I attract and am attracted to.

      It is such a sickly cycle of anger, disappointment, sadness and it repeats itself in each new relationship.

      The only thing that helps me is the mantra that nothing is perfect… even those people who look like they have the perfect, monogamous relationships… they too have skeletons that make them feel less than enough.

      So when I endure another blow, I try to remind myself that it’s all part of the course, that nothing is perfect and that only the things that I do can be measured against the dreaded “enough” filter. Because I can’t control how others behave, I can only control how I react to their actions… and if I expect the inherent disappointment, then the hurt is less dramatic and it becomes part of the landscape of life.

      Keep well, i know there is beauty is this world equal to the ugliness we suffer, we just have to consciously look for it to remind ourselves of its existence.

      A

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